A Girl's Private Diary

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift that's why it's called the PRESENT.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

The perfect family

I really do love all my relatives, but I have to say that they're quite annoying and I'm very lucky to live far away from them all (I hope I can enter any school which is very far away from the place they do live in... that's why I wish to travel abroad). At the moment many of them are fighting each other. Especially my own father doesn't get along with anyone. I do love my dad and he is a great man, but he really doesn't have an idea how he should handle his social life when he is not at work.

Lately my grandmother has been terrible. She was insulting me so much last time when I visited her before and after xmas. Actually I wanted to spend a lot of time with her on my holidays since we used to get along very well, but everything has changed. I didn't even visit her to say her '"Goodbye", because I was so much insulted about her words before I travelled back here where I have been living for more than one year. Some days ago she phoned me and apologized and today she phoned me again. I guess, I should mail her a greeting card. I wonder how grandpa is doing. He is a very quiet man. I hardly ever talk with him. I would like to, but I don't know how to start over a discussion with him.

I'm reading for some exams, which I will take after one month. Everyday I study for 9 hours. Luckily my fiance has travelled to his homecountry so he is not disturbing me and I can fully concentrate on studying.
Fair & Lovely - isn't it?

We had a tube of Fair & Lovely skincream and I had been using the product occasionally before I understood for what it stands for. After reading more about fairness creams and seeing the commercial of the product I'm writing about... I took the tube and threw it away and messaged my fiance that I don't want him to bring me anything with text "fair or fairness" written on.

I won't use it, because:
1. I couldn't find information about ingredients of the skincream.
2. I'm white and very fair already so what on the earth I do with bleaching fairness cream? Other people are already asking me: Are you sick, because you look like so white?

Some had written that they see racism on the Fair & Lovely add. I cannot say that I would see actual racism in the advertisement. Where I do live self-tanning skin care products are marketed same way like the Fair & Lovely is marketing their skincream in India. Over here TV commercials claim that tanned skin is more beautiful and somewhere else they're selling fairness cream with an opposite idea by claiming that lighter skin is more beautiful.

I just wish that people will give up their obsession on fairer skin and could be happy to be themselves. Bleaching creams cannot be safe to use and I have seen many beautiful persons with different skincolours so it's a pity that some are unsure about their own looks and try to change it by rubbing bleaching skincream on their face every evening before going to bed and wishing that they would be lighter skinned when they wake up next morning.

... world truly is a terrible place...

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Living with help of Panadol

In the morning I was feeling so much pain that I couldn't sit down and it was also difficult to stand up. That's why I took one 500mg Panadol. That did the trick and I could go to University. Actually I would be in need of a Panadol again, but eating too much painkillers must be really harmful so I just have to be without medicines.

For some years I have had sudden headaches and pain over my body. Before I didn't used to take painkillers, but nowadays I do use them when they're needed since I don't want to lie on the bottom of the bed for all the day and suffer. Sometimes the pain was so hard that I couldn't even move. Once when I at home when I was still living with my parents, I stood up from bed, but I couldn't walk or sit again on the bed since my body was almost like paralyzed. Everytime I tried to move the pain was burning like if my body had been in fire. Since I couldn't do anything on my own and my legs were getting tired I screamed my father to come and help me before I would fall on my face and hit the floor. He carried me on the bed and phoned doctor since he thought that something is really wrong. The doctor said that everything is ok with me.

It also happened many times when I was at school. I just phoned my mother to pick me no those days. Once when I was walking in center of the city after classes I got this terrible pain again. The drugstore was only 100m away (I wanted to buy any painkillers, which would help), but I couldn't reach the store. I could walk only 50m very slowly before my legs betrayed me. Moving had started to hurt so much that if I would have tried to walk further I would probably have fainted so it was better to give up walking and sit down . I just sat on the grass near to walking pavement and cried. Luckily the man of next door was in the center on that day, he saw me and drove me home.

I used to hate my mother since she mostly came late when I needed help. I know she is busy with her job, but even then she was normally 2-3hrs late from the estimated time she said she's going to pick me.

Nowadays I know in forehand when I'm going to have this pain (I always have same disqusting feeling in the morning and within some hours it gets worser) and on those days I stay at home since in a city like this where I don't have any friends or relatives I cannot trust that someone will come and help me to get home if this pain suddenly attacks me again. Even phone of my fiance is often off so maybe I couldn't even catch him by calling.
My fiance is a thief!

My bike was broken so I asked my fiance to fix it. A man came to him while he was repairing my bike in front of the apartment house we're living at and asked him...

-What are you doing?
- What am I doing??
- Is that your bike?
- No, its not mine.
- Is it Jakob's? Do you know him?
- I don't know anyone called Jakob. This is my girlfriend's bike.
- Really? (then the guy was looking confused and standing by him since he didn't know what to do)

On that moment I opened the maindoor, I could guess that the guy was having a trouble with my fiance. ”he is fixing my bike”, I said. Then he was asking me if I'm sure that it really is my bike. He was telling me that it looks exactly like his friend's bike who is living in same building. I said him that it's mine and I have had it for last 10 years so it can't be your friend's.... you've probably forgotten like what your friend's own looks like.

He said sorry and explained that his friend is having a bike, which reminds my bike really much. Then he walked away. He had probably thought that my fiance was trying to steal his friends bike. I'm lucky that he didn't beat up my boyfriend due to a misunderstanding.
My first day at University

I attend some courses of a local University. Probably I will study over there someday. I should mail them an application when they have a next application period. I have decided that I WILL NOT study at polytechnic since they have different teaching methods, which I don't like that much. At University teacher doesn't count who is attending the lectures or who is not. At polytechnic they do count nearly every time and you won't pass the course if you don't attend at least 85% of all classes and secondary at polytechnic they have much more practical work and they don't have that many elective courses or fields so it's not even possible to combine studies.

Tomorrow I would have an another lecture at University, but I can't attend it since I have to go to my recent school. Final exams are coming up and I have to attend some more classes so that I will gain some more credits.

Monday, September 04, 2006

When I will learn not to trust anyone?

Today when I was leaving my apartment building over a 20-year old girl was standing in the first floor and asked me if I could open the door of the storage room. She said that she had been living in this building before and left some of her things in the room which she has to get. Of course I was dumb and opened the door for her, but on my way to school I came to another thoughts and turned back. When I had gone out of the building she came out of the storage room and said that this is not the building she was living in. That she had been living in the another building and picked a wrong door by accident. Anyway, she was carrying nothing when she came out.

When I was driving to school I realized that if she really had been living in those apartments she simply couldn't pick the wrong building by accident since even I'm not that stupid and secondary why she asked "is this the door of the storage room?". She would know that it's the door of the storage room if she would have ever been living in that building or in the next building. I had to turn back and drive back home since I was afraid that she had put something between the door when she came outside when I was leaving so that the door didn't get locked. When I arrived I checked the room. I had been away only for very few minutes. I tried the door - it was locked and luckily the stuff which have been deposed there for storaging are inside of cages and you can not open them without a key... She didn't had a key since she had to ask me to open the door. I think she really hasn't left anything what she owns in that room. She probably was hoping that she could steal someone's unlocked bike or other stuff from the storage room., but she disappointed since everything was behind a lock.

I'm dumb, dumb and once again dumb, but what you can expect from me since I have been living most of my live in a wonderland where most of the people doesn't lock their home doors or car's doors even for the night. No one locks his bike over there and you can leave your stuff anywhere even for many days without fearing that someone will steal them. Normally I can spot liars, but this time she nearly fooled me with such a childish lie.

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The best busdriver in the whole world!

I have been thinking of the people I used to know and met nearly daily when I was still living in a small village. I have noticed that if you say a busdriver ” good morning” in city or anything else mostly they don't answer you, but if you enter a bus countryside you should always greet the driver and say him ” bye” when you're leaving.

When I was going to upper comprehensive school we used to have a same busdriver for years. I used to greet him every morning and sometimes we were also discussing something. If he heard from some other passenger that someone is late from bus or if he saw someone running towards the bus even from a long distance he used to stop the car and wait. Many drivers wouldn't do that even if they had time to wait since after all it's not their duty to wait for someone who doesn't arrive at the bus stop in time and most of drivers just don't care even if someone is late. Even I was late sometimes in the morning and it was so great to see the lights of the standing bus and figure out that they're waiting for me. Sometimes I was so much ashamed to enter the bus since all the people's trip had been delayed with some minutes since I was some late. I guess some of them were thinking why I dumb cannot come to the stop in time.

I also had to buy bustickets every month. Sometimes when I didn't have money I couldn't pay for them before my parents would give me money. It happened that I used to travel for free for example for two weeks since I promised to pay my tickets later. Many drivers wouldn't even let me to enter the car if I hadn't any money. Anyway, I always paid him the price of all the tickets later since I didn't wanted to misuse his trust and friendliness.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

The end of the world is approaching!

I was going to market with my fiance today, but unfortunately it had been closed when we arrived. Anyway, we walked back home through a park. Some days before one lady had told me that somewhere in the park are berrybushes. I couldn't find them so I asked one old woman who was sitting on the bench in the park if she knows where those bushes are located.

She opened a conversation and told that her daughter has been working for years in Italy as a archaeologist. I sat down on the bench and my fiance followed my example. Of course, the woman had noticed that my fiance is a foreigner, because he doesn't look like a local at all and he cannot speak the local language very well. Her next step was to interview us about our backgrounds, religions and many other issues. My fiance was just smiling since he couldn't undertand everything what the woman was saying. I did answer her questions. Often it happens that people come to me and ask me about my private matters since they are so much curious to know how two persons from totally different cultures can live together. Finally she did remember that I had asked for the location of the bushes and she promised to show me where they are. We walked along the road... all the way the woman was explaining that she believes that the end of the world is coming probably within next 50 years.

I visited the girl today who invited me. We had good time... she is coming over on next week.

........I'm having a terrible headache.......

We wen't outside in the evening. Actually we were only going to buy some chocolate for me from the kiosk, but my fiance wanted to buy also the english edition of reader's digest so we had to walk to the center of the city to get it. We went to Mc Donald's and I ate too much. I have been to Mc Donald's only 4 times in my whole life. Not too often.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

The second best day of the week

I was working today for six hours. When I came home my fiance had prepared a meal and cleaned our apartment. After having a dinner I took a nap. He woke me up some hours later since if I had been sleeping till late evening I would have been disappointed since my freeday would have been wasted. He had been working on his project meanwhile.

I found a website of a shop, which imports and sells chinese products. Mainly victuals, but also other stuff. I have decided to order 20kg rice, some sauces and spices. It will be cheaper to buy them online, but unfortunately they can deliver only once in a month to your home door. I know some people who have been using this service and they said they've been satisfied with it.

I would like to study abroad and complete my bachelors over there. Here in my homeland studying would be almost free of cost and I would get money from goverment monthly... I could pay my bills, rent and buy food with that money. Life would be easy.. Secondary all the schools I was thinking of to enter over here are having a pretty good rank even in the world class. If I will travel abroad for my studies I will have to be very careful that I won't enter any second class University. After all there's no any mind to make my parents to pay a big money for my studies if I can't enter a good school.

My fiance asked me why I would like to travel abroad since I would be all alone over there. I answered him ”when you've gone abroad or moved to some other city for your studies, I will be alone again. So does it matter if I will be alone in my homecountry, in Japan or in the USA? The situation will be anywhere I am” After all I have only my fiance and relatives over here. My family will be OK without me and if my chosen one truly loves me he should be able to wait for me for some years.
It's Friday-Saturday night

I had to wake up early in the morning since I had to wash my hair, because I had rubbed olive oil in my headskin and hair before going to bed. My bike was broken and I was late from school. I got nearly full points from a listening comprehension of swedish language.

I mailed father some days ago, but I still haven't got a response. I wonder what he is up to. He should read his mails daily. Granny had tried to catch me some days ago, but my phone was off. I should call her tomorrow and mail her a letter. I would like to see her, but I cannot afford a two-way ticket home and secondary I wouldn't have time to travel anywhere.

I was preparing a banana smoothie for my boyfriend until I forgot what I was supposed to do and got stuck on blogger. Probably the half-ready smoothie would have remained on the table for the rest of the night if he hadn't asked for his drink again... and now he is complaining that his smoothie is way too big and insisting me to drink half of it. Why men just can't shut up and be happy with what they get!

Honey, I have to confess something: I did buy today a bar of chocolate and I didn't share it with you...

Thursday, August 31, 2006

A new diary

My mother language is not english at all, but even then I have decided to write my diary in english. I'm a pretty normal girl from northern europe. Well... better looking than average and quite smart, but that's it.

Lately I have been very lonely since I'm living apart from my family and friends. I have only my fiance over here where I'm living now. I have been lonely lately since he is busy with his studies and he doesn't that much time for me. I'm really talkative and social person so when I have no one to talk to I get upset. Some days ago one exchange student I met at school asked me to visit her. I'm happy since now I have a chance to make friends. Luckily she is living pretty near to us.
When I'm not studying I'm distributing newspapers for work. I enjoy my work since most of the people I do meet while I'm working are very friendly and sometimes I have had nice conversations with them. Even today when I was coming home from work I met one middle-aged lady and we spoke about everything possible between sky and earth on my way home. My mother always used to say that I shouldn't speak with strangers, but I guess I've learnt nothing from her.

I did buy today a peel-off masque, a hairband and a hair brooch. I hadn't bought anything nice for myself for many months so I wasted some money